know me the way I am....

2006-08-01T05:10:00.000-07:00

Oh I love to sin...

Corroded Values
Rotting Virtues
Pungent Purity
Oh I love to Sin.

Secluded lifes
Exults the pain
Dignified life
Now gasps for breath
In bygone lanes

Tornado inside
Whirpooling desires
Churning new dreams
When I fail- I scream

Courtesy, Civilization
Walks all hunched
Success my denominator
Money my power

To quench my thirst to win,
Oh I love to sin. ..

2006-07-25T07:18:00.000-07:00

--TUM--

aj abhi is pal,
jab ek baar phir,
tum yaad aa gaye ho,
mein kaise tumko apni yaadon se laut jane ke liye keh du.n

kis tarah bolu.n
ke na ayaya karo
reh reh kar meri khuli aur band aankhon key saamney,

kitni baar..
sadak par chaltey hue,
bheed se bhari, buso.n mein safar kartey hue..
akeley baithey baithey,
kisi anjaan ko raasta batatey hue..
apno se muskura ke baat karte waqt....

na jaane kyu tum,mere sath sath har jagah aa jatey ho..
meri ankhon ko..
bina mujhse puchey..
ansuon ka samamdar, thamaa jatey ho..

kitni raatein meine akeley kaati hain,rotey hue..
bin awaaz key siskiyan lete hue..

kaise bataun..
tumhari yaadon ke saharey..waqt guzara hai...
har baat tumhari,
jo mujhey lag jaaati thi..
har baat meri jo tumko rulaa jaati thi..
usko meine likh kar.. sambhal kar rakha hai..

un lafzon ko.. anginat baar padh kar..
mein vo lamhey phir jee leti hu.n
shushk ho chuki hu.n
pata nahi kis had tak,key aj bina tumharey sath ke mein jee leti hu.n..

har baar jab bhi mein naraz hui tumse,
ya tum mujhse naaraj hue..
soch kar tum bhi dekho..

har baar mein pehle aaye tumko mananey...
har baar tumharey gussey ko shant kiya..

apna har ashq meine.chhup-chhap pee liya...
nahi ye koi dikhawa nahi hai..
mein aj bhi tumko apna maanti hun...

tumse milne nahi aati, to kya..
beeti mulakaton ka daman tham leti hu.n
ab lambi baato.n ka silsila bhi khatm ho gaya hai..
phir bhi
tumse mein baatein hazaar kar leti hun...

dur ho tum aj to kya..
mein har duri paar kar leti hun...
kaise bhula du tumko..ye mujhse kabhi na ho payega..
nahi pakda kabhi haath tumhara to kya..
dil ka paak rishta, tum kaho..
kaise tuut jayega..

aj waqt mujhko tumse duur le aya ho,
meiney kabhi tumhara sath nahi choda hai..

jab tak hoga mumkin..
intezar mein karti rahungi...
to kya, jo mera dil tumne toda hai..

yakeen tumpar jitna kia..
aur kisi par kar na paungi..
tum dete raho yaad aa aakey dard mujhey..
mein aj bhi tumhari amanat...
apni aankhon mein sajungi..

2006-07-25T07:07:00.000-07:00

ma...its raining again
i know
u are not here
near me
by my side.

yet i know
u are with me..
always every moment
each day..

ma.. i know
u feel the pain thats troubling me inside
and u also know
how i am getting choked..

ma.. i wish to hold ur hand once again..
to sleep in ur lap..
i wish to feel ur tender kiss on my forehead..

ma..i want u to wash the tears
that rain from my eyes..

ma.. hold me once again
the way u often did
when i was crushed and burried alive by this world..

just for once..
let me hear how much u care for me...
how much u miss me..
the way i do..

ma. i need u..
not just at this moment
not just at this hour
not just toady....

i need u each ticking by moment..
i need u each day that comes my way
i seek u..throughout my life...

i need u...forever..ma

[ A TRIBUTE TO MY MAA.. WHO I MISSED TOO MUCH AT THIS MOMENT WHEN I PENNED DOWN THESE WORDS.]

2006-07-11T04:26:00.000-07:00

i dont know what to write,
but all i wana say
i am missing you toady..
i know you too are
you are clsoe to me
so clsoe
but yet so far..

thinking of u,
once agin
tears roll down my cheeks
i am missing u
today i wanted to meet

but no
i will not return
this pain is mine
and forever i'll burn..

but still weeping inside silently
keeping away from this world
i want to say to wish u
the best in ur life...

i know
GOD has been so harsh to me..
he gave me u..
and then took u away...

no i dont comlain even to u..
i just wanted to say
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U"

2006-07-05T21:21:00.000-07:00

For sons and Daughters
This was an attachment a mail brought to me…
Pain, agony and hopes revisited
How an old father speaks
To his child
And asks him/her to be a bit mild…

I loved it immensely
For the message was thought provoking
Till I showed it to my dad
And he said to me
“My baby, why are you joking”

Astonished, Amazed
I looked upto papa
And with soft tender words
I said
“I really love you papa”

He put his hand on my head…
Blessed me again and then he said…
I know my child u care for me
U don’t need to see such slide
I know, to me
U’ll always be mild…

But I want u to also realize
In our same little house
Also lives my father
Who of course is ur grandfather

Though I am soft to him,
I deeply care for him
But my daughter
U seem to hav forgotten him

He too has grown very much old
I wish to bring him back in ur life

Coz though I made u
It was he, who made my life…
And then I knew
How selfish I had been
I never looked at him
Though in our houseLiving him, I had seen

Shameful, speechless
I stood all alone
Till my grandpa came and said
"Leave it beyta, its over n gone…
I know that nowI am a part of u,
But blessed people like me
At this age r few…"

Thankful I feel
To the sender of this mail
Now in the eyes of my Grandpa,
I’ll never fail…

N then I sent the attachment to al my friends
Adding some more lines
I sent it to my friends..

I wrote

This message
I bring not only
For Sons and Daughters
I bring it even to
Grandsons n Granddaughters.

2006-07-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

MY OPEN WOUNDS

CRUSHED HEARTS
CRUMPLED FEELINGS
MY OPEN WOUNDS
SEEK SOME HEALING...

LOST LOVE
LOUSED UP LIFE
GIVE MY OPEN WOUNDS
YET, NEW LIFE

MALIGNED EMOTIONS
DOCTORED RELATIONS
MY OPEN WOUNDS
POSSESS A PASSION

PERCOLATING PAIN
MY EFFORTS IN VAIN
AH, MY OPEN WOUNDS
ARE BLEEDING AGAIN

MY WRONG PERCEPTIONS
OR YOUR WORDS- A DECEPTION
OPEN WOUNDS
LOOK BACK TO THEIR CONCEPTION

YOUR WALKING WITH ME
OF THOSE FEW MILES
MY OPEN WOUNDS
FIND SOME SMILES...

ENORMOUS GRIEF
SECLUDED I WEEP
MY OPEN WOUNDS
FIND NO SLEEP...

UNTRUE WORDS
FAKE PROMISES
MY OPEN WOUNDS
REVEAL THOSE BLEMISHES

CONSTANT GAZE
YOUR TENDER TOUCH
MY OPEN WOUNDS
CARRY SO MUCH

UNHEARD SHRIEKS
INTERNAL VIOLENCE
MY OPEN WOUNDS
NEVER BREAK THEIR SILENCE.

2006-07-05T20:29:00.000-07:00

No I am not heart broken
And its not because of this
That I write about pain…

No my love has not left me
And so I say it again
“No I am not heart broken”
“Nor am I, in any pain.”

No he is not in my life any more
But yes, he still lives in my sight
No I don’t meet him during the day
He comes sitting, on the wings of moonlight.

No I am not heart broken
For had it been so
I would’ve not felt his presence again…
Often even I wonder
That why do I write about pain…

No I am not heart broken
Cause I cherish every moment of life..
No I do not weep a single tear
When I see him with his kids and his lovely wife.

No I am not heart broken
As I do not wish to say anything more to him
The divinity of my feelings keeps me pure
Yes, I know its not a sin.

No I am not heart broken
Though I miss him from the core of my heart
He’s not my destiny
And yet destiny has failed
To rip us apart…

No I am not heart broken
I say this, to this deaf world aloud
I wish the world could open its eyes wide
And see, its just pure love
With nothing for me to hide…

No I am not heart broken
And its not because of thisI write about pain…

2006-06-25T07:36:00.000-07:00

Whenever u see,
My eyes are moist...

Wondered ever
Why is it so..

Your pains, your sorrows
Touch my soul...
They pass through me..

To You, My love
Only Then they go..

2006-06-21T06:03:00.000-07:00

No do not judge me..
Do not put me into any frame...
Let me be free...
Let me fly like your imagination...

I wish to reach the sky...
This is not my destination....

BHAWNA